Never been this sad before

I feel so out of control…. I never knew her move would have such a great impact on me and I wish she was still around to keep my parents busy.  It’s the worst when I’m alone and I start to reflect on how I should have not gone out that day and stayed at home with her.  But I didn’t want to cry in front of her and make her sad.  When I heard that she told my mum not to cry if not she would cry too I couldn’t take it anymore.  It got worst when I’m alone and I think of all these years when I watch her grow up.   It’s totally unbearable.   I know my mum misses her a lot too and she can’t sleep well at night.  Neither can I.  My mum said she would just stand by the window sometimes thinking about the move and hearing that made me so upset.  Why didn’t I ask her to stay on?  I was on the train today just thinking about it and my eyes were already red.  When I go home, most of her stuff are gone and it feels so strange.  There’s no one to talk back at me, no one to bother me and I don’t feel like it’s home.

The house seems so empty without her and I would give anything for her to come back.  I can only hope she comes back often but that would be hard.  I would wonder how she’s coping there.  I remember when she was just a baby and I would pat her to sleep.   I remember when she was a toddler and I would take her out for walks.  I remember her first step and first day at school.  I remember she would dance in front of us.  All these became lesser as lesser as we grew older and I sometimes found her a nuisance.  I knew I should detach slowly from her so that everyone woiuld feel better better when she goes home one day so I stopped showing care for her gradually.  Perhaps it was a selfish act to protect myself because I knew that someday she might not continue staying.  Of course there were many times I had scolded her but I hope she knows it was for her good. 12 years have gone by so fast but I’m glad she’s grown up to be sensible and positive.   I hadn’t expected myself to experience such  turbulent emotions even thought I was preparing for it once I heard that she made the choice.  My only worry was how my mum would cope without her.  No one to make her laugh or for her to fuss over.  There’s nothing much for her to do in the house now.  I think she didn’t even dare to cry in front of her when she left.  

It’s only been 2 days…. gosh I’m really going to miss her…. I didn’t even give her a goodbye hug.

Funny article

I saw this article on a new finding from a group of Japanese researchers.  While I do not doubt the efforts and hard work of these researchers, I find this finding quite hilarious.  I think many parents might be scrambling to make sure that their kids have breakfast at home after reading this article.  Or maybe the kids will ask their partners if they eat bf at home.   I wonder what other findings they will come up with…*laughs and shakes head*

*Article taken from CNA*

“ TOKYO – THERE are many theories on the links between food and sex, but Japanese researchers have came up with a new finding – young people who skip breakfast tend to lose their virginity earlier.

In a study of 3,000 people, those who did not regularly eat breakfast when in their early teens said they lost their virginity at an average age of 17.5, versus an overall average of age 19 for all Japanese.

For those who had a morning meal when they were younger, the average age of having the first sexual experience was 19.4.

The study, backed by Japan’s health ministry, was aimed at finding ways to curb unwanted pregnancies. It concluded that a stable home life discouraged early sex.

‘Those unhappy with their parents – such as for not preparing breakfast – may tend to find a way to release their frustration by having sex,’ said Mr Kunio Kitamura, head of the Japan Family Planning Association who led the research.

‘If children don’t feel comfortable in their family environment, they tend to go out,’ he told AFP.

Additionally, young people who start having sex early tend to miss breakfast because they return home late, he said.

Japan has one of the world’s lowest birthrates as more young people put off starting families, finding them a burden on their careers or lifestyles.

The survey also found that nearly 40 per cent of married couples had not had sex in more than a month.

Respondents said they were too tired because of work or found sex to be a pain, according to the study. — AFP “

말없이 울더라도

말없이 울더라도

윤미래

못된사랑 OST ( I got the English translation from another website)

가슴에 그댈 덜어내며 참기 힘든 고통 속에도 (Taking you out in my heart, in a tragedy that’s hard to hold back)
신음 한번 못 지른 여자에요 (I’m a girl who wasn’t able to groan even once)
쉽게 나를 잊어가라고 미안함 갖지 말라고 (Forget me easily.. Don’t feel sorry..)
사랑한단 말 억누른 나에요 (I’ve suppressed the words I love you)

행복 하라고 그대 위해 버리는 (For your happiness I’m throwing away..)
내 마음 헛되게 말아요 (Don’t make my heart become emtpy..)

나 말 없이 가더라도 내 아픔 보더라도 (Even if I go without any words, even if you see my pain)
그댄 못 본 척 지나요 (Pass by me as if you didn’t see anything)
그 맘 흔들리지 말아요 (Don’t let your heart start to shake)
못난 여자에 눈물이 그댈 막아도 (The tears of a bad girl.. even if it blocks you)
한걸음씩 두 걸음씩 그렇게 멀리가 줘요 (One step, two step.. just like that, walk farther..)

숨어서 그대 바라보며 치일듯한 그리움에도 (Hiding and watching you, longing for you)
인사 한 번 못 하는 여자에요 (I’m a girl who can’t even greet you once)
좋은 사랑하며 살라고 다신 날 기억 말라고 (Wishing you to have a good love.. telling you not to think of me again..)
시린 맘 다시 옭아맨 나에요 (I’ve tied up my chilling heart again..)

웃고 살라고 그댈 위해 버리는 (Wishing you to live smiling, I throw away)
내 마음 헛되게 말아요 (Don’t let my heart become empty..)

나 말 없이 가더라도 내 아픔 보더라도 (Even if I go without any words, even if you see my pain)
그댄 못 본 척 지나요 (Pass by me as if you didn’t see anything)
그 맘 흔들리지 말아요 (Don’t let your heart start to shake)
못난 여자에 눈물이 그댈 막아도 (The tears of a bad girl.. even if it blocks you)
한걸음씩 두 걸음씩 그렇게 멀리가 줘요 (One step, two step.. just like that, walk farther..)

가슴 속 저 가슴 끝에 기억 속 저 기억 끝에 (In my heart, at the end of my heart.. in my thoughts, at the end of my thoughts)
그대를 보내며 울음을 삼키며 (I swallow back my tears and send you away..)
눈물 빛에 물든 사랑 노을이 지네요 (A love stained in the light of tears, a glow starts to form)

나 언젠간 말할게요 내 맘 다 전할게요 (I’ll always tell you, I’ll give you all my heart)
그대 안에 내 모습이 세월에 무뎌질 그때쯤 (About the time I start to become burried in you)
못난 여자에 사랑이 그대 그리워 (The love of a bad girl starts to long for you)
한걸음씩 두 걸음씩 그렇게 따라왔다고 (One step, two step, following like that)
그리운 그대 찾아 왔다고 (I’ve come searching for the person I’ve been longing for..)

A chance let slipped

The healed wound was torn apart on Saturday night.  While I had been thinking about the things to say and ask, I never got down to doing it.  Everything seemed so surreal just by the sight of him and the fact that we were having a conversation.  I made a choice that night and that would probably be the last time I could look into his eyes.  Their expression will be deeply etched into my memory.  It wasn’t as painful as I thought to be.  The wound will heal faster now, because I have chosen the path.  There will still be pain and sleepless nights but everything will be well again.

Single vs Attached

I think I probably won’t know the difference between these 2 status…hahahah

Something to ponder

Before you speak behind someone’s back, perhaps you should wait a moment, look into the mirror and then decide if you want to say it out.  

The young lady standing in front of me in the bus queue was about 1.6m tall only yet she was commenting on the height of the woman standing before her.  The woman was indeed shorter than normal people but that’s not something she could choose.  When I saw the young lady’s expression when she was making that comment to her father, I just felt like staring down at her(I was wearing a bit of heels and she wasn’t even near my chin herself) and telling her right in the face that she’s no better either.  Obviously my senses got the better of me cos if I did that, I would be at the same level with her.  

Don’t understand people like this lady.  It’s not like the woman offended her in any way.. Really dislike pple like her…Maybe I should have gone ahead to shame her.. but then..haiz.. whatever lah…

为你而活

神木与瞳 – 为你而活

看生命 像阵风 包不住的痛 所以紧握双手
抬起头 那流星般的笑容 只不过 坠落在心中
天空会裂缝 我肩头 添上的爱那麼久 就不怕 滂沱
用眼泪庆贺 跨过了 坚信这一扇门后 真的有 天国
為了你而活 為了你而梦 為了爱我会撑到最后
当世界都乌有 守著你的人是我
為了你而活 為了你而梦 伤痕再深心无法划破
跟命运在逆流 就算错了 也不退后
不闪躲 在这荆棘遍佈中 那伤口 会开出花朵
天空会裂缝 我肩头 添上的爱那麼重 就不怕 滂沱
用眼泪庆贺 跨过了 坚信这一扇门后 真的有 天国
為了你而活 為了你而梦 為了爱我会撑到最后
当世界都乌有 守著你的人是我
為了你而活 為了你而梦 伤痕再深心无法划破
跟命运在逆流 就算错了 也不退后
為了你而活 為了你而梦 為了爱我会撑到最后
当世界都乌有 守著你的人是我
為了你而活 為了你而梦 伤痕再深心无法划破
跟命运在逆流 就算错了 也不退后

Haven’t wriiten here for a while… This is a super nice song.  Had to share it.

原来伤心的人会更伤心

The great shake-up

So, the companies that has been making big headlines recently were AIG and Merill Lynch.  Anymore to come?  We can only keep our fingers crossed.  It only seems that everything was in a mess until The big brother stepped in to save AIG.  The markets then soared on Friday, to the cheers of investors and traders.  I wonder if anyone knows the depth of this hole.  The bailouts can only assure investors and keep the markets alive.  Is this a real solution to the problem? Will there be new regulations?  Only time can tell if lessons will be learnt.

Why?

Why Why Why???!!!

 

I should just stop dreaming. Dunno whether to be sad or happy.. HAIZ